gave up
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most
forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same
open my eyes wake up in flames
it took you to make me realize
it took you to make me realize
it took you to make me realize
it took you to make me see the light
smashed up my sanity
smashed up my integrity
smashed up what i believed in
smashed up what's left of me
smashed up my everything
smashed up all that was true
gonna smash myself to pieces
i don't know what else to do
covered in hope and vaseline
still cannot fix this broken machine
watching the hole it used to be mine
just watching it burn in my steady systematic decline
of the trust i will betray
give it to me i throw it away
after everything i've done i hate myself for what i've become
i tried
i gave up
throw it away
losing naivete. coming to see that our "perfect little dreams" don't
always work out. that those we trust can betray us and destroy us. this is
what happened here. he had faith, he had a dream. he was strong, he could
keep believing... until some particular person, thing, or event (the "you" he
is addressing) turned against him. that one thing was what kept him going,
and he was forced to give it up. it became impossible for him to keep
believing after that. everything he trusted suddenly becomes suspect, and
he's thrown into "systematic decline" because he sees no way to recapture his
lost faith. he cannot trust, so he has now become untrustworthy. he realizes
that he will turn from betrayed to betrayer, and hates himself for it.
-alexa
I see "Gave Up" as reflective of Trent's own shattered, ambiguous and uncertain existence, or what he feels is just that.
Certainly, it does focus on loss of naiveté, but the awakening is a horrifying and traumatizing experience that leaves him
feeling "smashed up" and "in pieces," and with his whole existence and value as a person in question. Such terminology
is indicative of persons who have psychological and emotional issues about their own integrity, which goes back to
childhood and the experiences that played a role in our development. Children have to learn that they are vital, integral
organisms that won't just fall apart, or disappear, or get swallowed up by some larger, more powerful entity. As they
develop, they come to realize this and learn to appreciate and value their role in society. Some persons do not fully
achieve this, and though appear to function normally in everyday life, are always haunted by these uncertainties. They
may not even be aware of it, but some terrible, crushing experience is just waiting to bring it all forth and leave that
person trembling with anxiety that they're going to fall apart, or disappear, or get "smashed up." I don't know how much
of this pertains to Mr. Reznor, if any, or what the experience could have been to jar his reality into question, but if it's
true, then he would have to find some way of validating his existence. That might be to destroy the things he fears, to
hurt himself, or other persons, etc. But whatever he would do, would probably leave him feeling as hollow and
unfulfilled and self-hating as he started.
-anomie
